The Sanguine And The Melancholic

The Four Temperaments:

Sanguine

You tend to be someone who is lively, sociable and carefree. You tend to make friends easily and view life with optimism. You have a creative and imaginative side. You are usually flexible but also flighty.

Choleric

You are definitely extroverted! You may often be excitable, impulsive and at times restless. You get your jobs done efficiently and remained focused. You are ambitious and love to be in charge.

Melancholic

You are a cautious and fairly serious person. You remain focused and conscientious. You may prefer to do things on your own. You are very much a thinker and may often dwell on issues.

Phlegmatic

You tend to be more private, thoughtful and reasonable. You handle situations with calmness and are usually very tolerant towards others. You love a quiet and peaceful atmosphere.

 

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I think one of the most amazing things in your marriage is to find out the temperament of your husband.

I am a Sanguine and my hubby is a Melancholic.

When we first got married, I had never heard of a couple having different temperaments – but how I wish I did! All those petty arguments or issues which I assumed were ‘his fault’ were really just his way of being because of his certain temperament.  

In the last six years, we have been blessed with a wonderful marriage. Even though things usually go smoothly, we want to work together and discuss issues to avoid as much conflict as possible. We don’t wait for a problem or misunderstanding to arise, instead we very much try to understand why each of us feels a certain way before approaching the issue.

So here is where my hubby and I are very similar…

We both love order and structure in our home and cannot function well without it. For us, a tidy and ordered home is also a happy home.

A little about myself…

I am a very carefree person. I live one day at a time and am sufficiently happy (and somewhat quite proud of myself) if all my six children have been bathed and fed. To me that is a great day! I hardly think or ever worry about the future and I am often flexible to change. I love chatting to people and this often puts me in a really good mood. Some days, if I am having a bad day with the kids, I will purposely invite a friend over or go out to the grocery store just for some social interaction with ‘big people’!

A bit about my husband….

A wonderful man, who loves things to be ordered in his own way. Files sorted and receipts kept. He has a filing system for everything. This is, of course, extremely pleasant when an item is broken and we need to replace it, he simply whips out the warranty form and the process is quick.

He is a thinker, sometimes a bit of a worrier. He looks far into the future, planning or predicting what the next car will be, where we may move, how much money we will need… etc etc.

He can also be a bit shy in social situations and often gets tired after we have people over for dinner.

So just HOW do a Sanguine and Melancholic work together?

In the beginning, when my husband behaved or acted a certain way, my immediate response would be, “how thoughtless, he is not considering my feelings”. Now I know this is not the case at all.

Having different temperaments simply means A DIFFERENT WAY OF THINKING (not right or wrong, just different).

For example, I have learnt that a melancholic needs some alone time. This is very important to them. Quiet time to think and recollect his thoughts to slowly process an issue or situation he is dealing with.  At first, being a Sanguine and assuming social interaction would cheer him up, I would bother him by repeatedly asking “what’s wrong?… are you okay?” or “did I do something?”  Now I have learnt that after 20 minutes of peace and quiet he is somewhat ‘fixed’ and changes out of his mood. All is well again.  I understand now that his gloominess is not usually to do with me, but rather with something else he is overwhelmed with and cannot find a solution for.

From my husband’s point of view, I know that earlier on in our marriage he found me extremely impulsive. He questioned why I had to buy the first thing I saw. My response was often “If I like it, I buy it. If I know exactly what I want, why do I need to research around”? Initially, I thought this way of thinking way was just fine. Slowly however, I am learning to appreciate that doing research before buying an item is actually much better. Often you will save money and also get a better product. So, in fact, I was indeed being impulsive.

Highlighting each other’s strengths can also bring a lot of positivity into the marriage. For example, I will often tell my hubby “I love the fact that you are melancholic. When you plan it makes me so confident of the future.” Often he will tell me “only my Sanguine wife could have made that awkward situation more pleasant!”   

The very beautiful thing about having a different temperament to your spouse is that you can help one another to grow in your marriage by forming better habits each day. Acknowledging that your way is not always the best, you learn to be open to suggestions which often make plans work out to be better.

One thought you must NEVER have is to wish that your husband isn’t that certain temperament that he is. Instead, try to see all the great positives (and there are often many) that his temperament brings and remember that is the reason you fell in love in the first place! When you learn to love your spouse’s temperament, you will do things out of respect and to please one another, even if the issue is somewhat insignificant to you.

Marriage is all about complimenting each other and working as a team. It is never about calculating who does more or trying to compete with one another. So regardless of whether your husband is a Choleric, Melancholic, Sanguine or Phlegmatic, enjoy all that his temperament brings and remind him of how special he is for bringing those qualities and sometimes even quirks into the marriage!  

 

 

Filed Under: Family LifeFeaturedMarriage

About the Author: Mother of 6 children. 4 boys and 2 girls. A proud stay-at-home-mum and Co-founder of the website. Jill has a strong Catholic faith. "I believe it's really important to have a support network for mums to connect and learn from each other." She also has a Degree in Primary Teaching from Melbourne University.

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